You know what
My friend is back.
I have this love-hate relationship with her.
She'd always mock me
She'd always insult me
She'd find every single way to put me down.
And yet, I still like her.
Whenever I see a shirt or a dress I like, she'd insult my body and tell me how ugly I look in it.
Whenever I want to eat something fattening, she'd tell me how fat i already am and how I'd be uglier after I ate that.
Whenever I think I have a chance to be friends with so and so, she'd tell me they're only friends with me because they pity me, they want to make fun of me or they'll just leave me like everybody else except her.
The funny thing is, I believe every single thing she says.
She is the only one that stayed with me through everything. She stayed with me through my first break up with the guy who had liked me for 3 years. She stayed with me throughout my tough times in my previous school. She stayed with me whenever I'm alone but somehow i still wished she'd go away and leave me alone. But, I'm the one who is making her stay. Sometimes when she is away, I'd feel free and all but whenever I'm alone I'll start to think of her and I'd make her come back instantly.
My life is always grey without her but with her, my day is completely and utterly pitch black.
I introduce you to my friend, the friend who had left me for about a month but came back today - depression. And I don't think she's leaving me tonight.
Saturday 25 July 2015
Sunday 29 March 2015
Why
Hello there.
This is like my first time blogging and i literally know nothing about it lol.
The reason i wanted to blog is because i can't keep my feelings to myself any longer. There's this teacher in my school and she just got divorced with her husband and she said she felt better after blogging. So i thought 'hey why not?' and yeah here i am.
I am a really quiet person. You could always find me sitting in the corner or somewhere alone during parties or family gathering. I don't really have the skills to talk to people. But as i grow older, things just got better. I social more, I participate in club events and stuff. Things just got better and better. Then it all started to change when my mother decided to transfer me to another school.
Did i mention that i am a introvert? like seriously. I SUCK when it comes to meeting new people in a new environment. I have sweaty palms when i talk to strangers like ew man it's just so sticky. Ok so i went to this new school and I SHIT YOU NOT that school is terrible. I was so sad and angry at my mother for transferring me to that school. She didn't even asked for my opinion. The people there were so crappy and rude. Not to mention the girls. They are so freaking judgemental. They can't look down on me just because i am not as rich as them.
They can't judge me just because my body is no where near skinny.
Any ways, i already got bullied on the first day of school and ugh i've been going through this bullying issue for about a year now and i just don't know how to stop it. I literally tried everything and yes i have depression now. All thanks to that school.
This is like my first time blogging and i literally know nothing about it lol.
The reason i wanted to blog is because i can't keep my feelings to myself any longer. There's this teacher in my school and she just got divorced with her husband and she said she felt better after blogging. So i thought 'hey why not?' and yeah here i am.
I am a really quiet person. You could always find me sitting in the corner or somewhere alone during parties or family gathering. I don't really have the skills to talk to people. But as i grow older, things just got better. I social more, I participate in club events and stuff. Things just got better and better. Then it all started to change when my mother decided to transfer me to another school.
Did i mention that i am a introvert? like seriously. I SUCK when it comes to meeting new people in a new environment. I have sweaty palms when i talk to strangers like ew man it's just so sticky. Ok so i went to this new school and I SHIT YOU NOT that school is terrible. I was so sad and angry at my mother for transferring me to that school. She didn't even asked for my opinion. The people there were so crappy and rude. Not to mention the girls. They are so freaking judgemental. They can't look down on me just because i am not as rich as them.
They can't judge me just because my body is no where near skinny.
Any ways, i already got bullied on the first day of school and ugh i've been going through this bullying issue for about a year now and i just don't know how to stop it. I literally tried everything and yes i have depression now. All thanks to that school.
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